To illustrate this at the moment I believe that my plateau in weight loss = writer's block.
To clarify you did not wander on to the wrong blog. This is definitely not a weight loss blog not that I don't like them. If you're interested in them I actually strongly recommend "A Neurotic Glamour Girl's Weight Watcher's Experience and Fitness Adventures." she is so inspiring (I love you Sheryl). I love to be fit and move but I abhor anything that isn't pretty so most dorky fitness clothes and running shoes DO NOT make the cut. When I saw this retro style glamour girl writing posts about her fitness journey and taking self portraits of herself riding her pink bike all over New York city in full make up and heels I was an instant fan!
But I digress what I meant to say was that everybody who reads my blog...Does anyone read my blog? (cloud bubble inserted here) must know my passion is design, arts, crafts and the underdog okay okay I know I'm rambling bear with me.
Now back to the point I was trying to make. Since I joined Weight Watchers last fall I have had a more or less steady weight loss. I never felt discouraged not really I mean you have those weeks you go up a bit just to get the big numbers later and everything worked for me without too much difficulty. It was very empowering to realize I wasn't actually a PIG (I'm sorry to anyone that may offend but I have this problem where I am really hard on myself) I just made some bad choices and with a few adjustments I lost weight fairly easily.
You just know there is a but coming... BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I have been hovering within 2lbs of a 20lbs loss which has become unattainable to me at the moment. I started to question myself; "Am I eating enough fruits and vegetables?" and ate fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch. "Am I really tracking everything I eat??" I paid close attention and was relieved to know that yes I was. I spoke to my leader who advised me to get more active which turned out well because it spring in Montreal and I have a membership for BIXI and can hardly pass by a bike without taking one. So...I did and I still maintained this hovering position.
When I got weighed the next week I spoke to my leader again who is so lovely and not judging me and trusting me and really there for me and not to mention beautiful, awesome, helpful, inspiring, so cute, stylish and interesting advised that I drink my water which means at least 6 cups a day and I did even though it has me running to the bathroom peeing about five times more often to the washroom which is a feat in itself because I work in customer service on the phone where everything is timed even bathroom breaks but I still gained 0.4 lbs.
Unfortunately for me all those paralyzing messages I used to hear have come flooding back: "You're fat, you're a loser, what is wrong with you..." the list goes on but you get the picture. These messages are draining me, getting me down, affecting my mood, my relationships, how I feel about myself, my health, my body well essentially affecting everything. I don't want to play guitar, prepare food, and finally I am getting to the point: WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taking my cue from Lena Dunham (my hero) to be brave and a my younger self who once had a writing project that made me so nervous that I decided to write about just that and had the teacher read it in class saying how brilliant it was. I decided to write about what was stopping me from writing and suddenly out came this post and hopefully several more will flood out of me now.
The time for beating myself up is OVER. This is a time for ACTION. Until now this steady weight loss has opened up a whole new side of me. One that is in control of my life, my choices, my finances, one who feels like anything is possible. It's the reason I picked up the guitar, am going to Ireland this summer, started making time for my friends again and planning many more exciting things because there has been a switch in my brain. A new record is playing and it says you are worthy, you are creative, you are talented, you are fun, people love you and love to be around you.
SO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! YOU BULLY!
Phew! *Deep Breathes* Moral of the story here is...
Even when you have writer's block you have a lot to say.
(Just a little tidbit. I wrote this the day before yesterday in the commuter train on the way home from my regular full time job. Being stuck in a train that isn't moving with no gadgets or book can inspire you (hmmm that should be another series) but yesterday I read my Daily Om (which is addictive) and it was about creative blocks. I have to say find these daily OM's uncannily ominous with their synchronicity. There must be magic in the world. If you subscribe to the Daily Om will you let me know if you find them oddly synchronized with your life PLEASE? Or am I just making crazy parallels again)