The Series: My life is like a Jewel Album PART I

Every morning my alarm rings at 5:00. I have to leave with a coffee in my hands to walk to the train to be sure not to miss it at 5:45. So I get up brush my teeth all the way into the kitchen grind my coffee beans, and start a brew, wash, get dressed, grab my coffee and my lunch and go.

I arrive in the city at 7:25 and walk or bike (I LOVE BIXIS) to work depending on the season. By the time I get to work it's about 7:53 and I have just enough time to go to the washroom and log in and get a coffee in time for work at 8:00am.  

All this to illustrate how little time I have and explain why it is that...

I just re-discovered the joy of listening to a whole album. I just didn't seem to have the time anymore. 

I know that sounds ridiculous but I'll explain. The main place that I could enjoy an album in full was in my car. I don't use my car to get to work anymore so I don't get to enjoy that.

Ipods don't encourage listening to a full CD. I always end up listening to a podcast or something.

When I have dinner with my family we will often pop on an album but my husband is usually in control of what we listen to because during those times we just want some nice sounds to support our interactions with each other and he's good at finding that. 

If I play music that I choose, I end up in my own musical and I am just on stage by myself. I can't help myself! 

I have to sing it is a requirement to enjoying the music for me and that is not very interactive. It is actually the opposite and makes my teenagers and husband run except for my sweet "bonus daughter" K who will enthusiastically have me write the lyrics down to sing with me.



But I digress.... I wanted to talk to you guys about how an interesting thing happened when I popped in a CD that I used to listen to about 10 years ago. 

I realized that I had embodied my interpretation of the messages from all my favorite songs off the album.

These songs became my mantras in times of loneliness and despair. I sang them with all my heart and they changed me.

In this series I will tell you about the life lesson I took from each one of my favorite songs! Aren't you excited?!

So for PART I of this series we are going to talk about the first song on the album: "Deep Water" on "Spirit" by Jewel;  This excites me because just the title alone evokes so many things. If you haven't heard it and wanna listen to what I am talking about here it is. 

You find yourself falling down
Your hopes in the sky
But you heart like grape gum on the ground
And you try to find yourself
In the abstractions of religion
And the cruelty of everyone else
And you wake up to realize
Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive
When you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
And when you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love
You wake up to realize your only friend
Has never been yourself or anybody who cared in the end
That's when suddenly everything fades or falls away
'Cause the chains which once held us are only the chains which we've made
When you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
And when you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love, love, love
It's nothing without love
We've compromised our pride
And sacrificed out health
We have to demand more
Not of each other
But more from ourselves
"Cause when you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
When you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love, love, love
It's nothing without love
It's nothing without love

 Lesson Learned: Self Love; Learn to love yourself in this deep down way.  

In my thirties realized that I had a lot of compassion for others but not for myself.

I would look at old pictures of my self during the critical ages of about fourteen to nineteen and remembered how much I sincerely didn't like myself. 

I realized I was so mean to myself. I still had self defeating messages that carried on into my thirties.

I had been bullied in elementary school but I was free of that now and I still found a way to perpetuate it. 

I became my own bully. 

When we have a victim mentality we think that others are the enemy and get stuck in blaming others. 

I decided to take control and stop being my own worst enemy. It was easy form me to understand this intellectually but it took me a long time to embody it or feel it in my heart.

But I did and you can too! 

When I talk to my friends about these experiences I try to give as many details as I can to help them make the switch in their mind that liberated me. 

I hope this helps but keep on reading because if it doesn't I will give you a trick to stop those pervasive thoughts when you get them.

I still get these pervasive thoughts when I am not doing well.They go something like this: "You're a loser; What is wrong with you? Why can't you...". 

This is no way to elevate yourself to be all that you can be whether it be on a personal, inter-personal, professional, spiritual, physical or unnamed happiness you are trying to achieve when you don't have love for yourself.

You paralyze yourself. 

The song "Deep Water" may be interpreted in many ways but the way it spoke to me was:  "If you cannot love yourself you have no life at all. You are only existing, compromising your health and well-being and it is not up to anyone else to change that but yourself."

There are times when you feel like you are just spinning with bad self defeating thoughts and the worst part about it is that even if you do care about yourself and have some measure of self love when or how do you stop the pervasive/bad thoughts that I like to call "noise"?

The noise stops with self love and you have to demand it from yourself.

Here is my trick to get rid of the noise: think another thought that is positive. I know it sounds over simplistic but it works.

It is actually really hard to do because bad thoughts are like biting your nails. Often times you don't even notice you're having them they aren't even conscious. I'm not telling you to perform miracles but when you do notice the noise:"You're a loser" change it to a positive thought:"I'm worthy" and say it to yourself instead to banish the noise.

Songs are really helpful in that way. Songs are also pervasive and they can help you associate good memories with them depending on who you listened to them with or by reminding you of a happy period in your life when you listened to them.

You don't have to be a Jewel fan to overcome those pervasive BAD thoughts. Just find your own song or take mine I am willing to share and I'm sure Jewel is too.

With my interpretation of that song every time I sang: "It's nothing without love." I was able to concentrate on the song, the conversations I've had with it playing in the background send myself love every time.

A final thought to leave you with on synchronicity. 

I have been mulling over the idea of writing this blog series for several months. I had started writing it and knew what I wanted to say but did not finalize it yet.

Today on the day that I decide to finish writing my first post I got my thought for today newsletter from Oprah and the subject was: "5 ways to find peace in less than 5 minutes; How to stop bad thoughts". 

When I read it number 3 was:

Head It Off With A Decoy

When our brain insists on reminding us of that awful thing we said at the party last night, most of us react by suppressing the thought (and perhaps groaning). This often works, found British neuroscientists Roland Benoit and Michael Anderson, who used an MRI machine to trace the brain activity of people who were trying to forget something. In a study published in the journal Neuron, they explained that when we push a memory out of our head, activity in the hippocampus, the region of the brain critical for remembering the past, is inhibited. However, there's always the threat that the thought will pop up again... and again. Another trick that the scientists tested was thought substitution: Whenever you start rehashing the night, tell yourself instead to think about your vacation to Aruba, or reimagine every bite of a meal you enjoyed. Doing this will induce frenetic activity in the parts of the brain that need to work to retrieve memories and along the pathways to consciousness. The two thoughts will literally compete for your attention, so make the substitution memory engaging and pleasurable enough to win.

For more on that go to this link: http://www.oprah.com/health/How-to-Stop-Bad-Thoughts-Thinking-Positively/3#ixzz2n692mwkG

 
This is my act of spiritual activism this week what's yours?

I love Marie T.V.

 If you don't watch Marie T.V. yet and you want to be free and happy and have entrepreneurial ideas you must take the time and watch at least one of her videos. This is my favorite right now I am telling anyone who will listen about it.  I can guarantee that if you take the time she will say something that will inspire you.

I went to Ireland this summer and I was enchanted

I tried to bring home some Irish cheese but you cannot bring it to Canada. 

All over North America and Europe we are all experiencing a sort of food revolution, getting back to the basics about where our food comes from and taking an interest in preserving and growing our own food.

In Ireland they have some well established traditions and they have a glorious food revolution.

Watch this video you'll see how I felt inspired when I was there.






Small Green Fields from Imen McDonnell on Vimeo.





If you haven seen the producer Imen's blog: "I married an Irish Farmer" you must her pictures and stories are just as beautiful.

Friday Music: I want to see the Bright Lights Tonight

Friday Music: Years by Amelia Curran

This song has been in my head rent free for about two months.

Adventures on my quest to the best veggie burger EVER!

So this whole obsession with the best veggie burger ever began when my husband came home from his annual camping trip with his girls and told me that he had to take me to Miss Patate to taste the veggie burger there.

He loves my cooking and in our twenties I introduced him to his first vegepate sandwich with sprouts and he never forgot it. He said he tried to re-create it many times but was never able to do it without me he just couldn't get the combination of ingredients quite right.

Photo credit to Ken Nagano via blog Mont Tremblant

After he had that veggie burger at Miss Patate he was feeling the same way. How did she do that? I have to take you there so we can make something like it at home. He kept asking questions like: :Why can't we find a veggie burger like that in Montreal?" Even up to a year later! 

Since we got a new used car last spring we have been going on little day trips because we are not so afraid that we'll get stranded somewhere and today we finally went to Miss Patate and he was absolutely right! The veggie burger was delectable.

Photo credit to Ken Nagano via blog Mont Tremblant

 There it is in all it's glory. What is unusual is, you are, what we Montrealers say,: "Up North" which is known for it's "cantines" and maybe some fancy restaurants around ski resorts but definitely not for any vegetarian friendly fare. So to begin with that is special in itself but like so many great things the passion and the love put into the product comes from a special woman Huguette. 

When she saw me picking away at the bun trying to figure out what this amazing bun was, with all of it's freshness, softness and ORANGE specks all over it she asked me: "Do you like your veggie burger?" . Seemingly worried that I didn't and I said I love it but I am trying to figure out what this bun is made of because it is so delicious and she didn't just smile me away. She actually got the buns out from the back and showed me the packaging and told me where I could get some. 

She uses these carrot buns from an organic bakery in Sainte Sophie, a veggie patty with white melted cheese (not necessary for vegans) along with her house grown sprouts, some sweet onions, lettuce, tomato, banana peppers and her special sauce. As she puts it it's almost like cake and I agree. It was so good. 

When I asked what inspired her to do this in such an unlikely place she said that it was because she didn't eat alot of meat so she was trying to find easy things to eat at work and over five years she developed this product. After talking for a while I found out that her poutine was also veggie, no meat gravy, just vegetable. 

Huguette and her son Julien photo credit to Ken Nagano via blog Mont Tremblant

She also serves veggie pogos and hot dogs. So vegetarians eat your heart out. It is not healthy food or anything but vegetarians like to go to cantines too and now they can and enjoy more than some fries. Her son is there to help her and it's impressive the way they all work together, we got there in a rush and they were rushing about cooking everyone's food and still had time for a friendly chat. 

I didn't even tell her I was going to write a blog post about her. I didn't know I would but I was so impressed with her passion, kindness and generosity that I didn't see how I couldn't. Thanks Huguette et Julien!

The Occupy Movement and A Painted House by John Grisham

One thing you may not know about me is that I read a lot of books! All kinds of books, any books,  people give me books all the time and they are all read and then passed on. It is pretty rare that I don't like a book. 

I find I learn about life and life experiences with fiction even more than an informational or non-fiction book. I admit it may be my  state of openness when I read fiction because I am doing it with pure joy without any obligation and complete receptivity.

I think all stories even science fiction which is even in worlds that don't exist have elements of truth or something to ponder about; a place, a time and relationships. I mark off passages that move me or made me think about something I want to talk about or share with my family or write about; either in my journal to help me along with something I'm struggling with or just explain something I've been feeling but couldn't put into words. 

I thought I'd share this one with you today because sometimes we think the stock markets and the world we live in today puts us at the mercy of wall street. Now what you may know about me is that I love the underdog so I resonate with the occupy movement much more that I do with the one percent but this passage on page 78 of "The Painted House" by John Grisham assuaged me somehow.

The story is told in the voice of a young boy which was really refreshing it was a great little read: 

"My pop says the cotton prices are goin' down," Dan Montgomery said as he tossed a rock into the darkness. "Says the cotton traders in Memphis are pushin' down prices 'cause there's so much cotton."

"It's a big crop," I said. The Montgomery twins wanted to be farmers when they grew up. I felt sorry for them.

When the rains flooded the land and wiped out the crops, the prices went up because the traders in Memphis couldn't get enough cotton. But the farmers, ofcourse, had nothing to sell. And when the rains cooperated and the crops were huge, the prices went down because traders in Memphis had too much cotton. The poor people who labored in the fields didn't make enough to pay their crop loans.

Good crops or bad crops it didn't make any difference."

See what I mean? This made me remember that we have to be careful with nostalgia. Many people have struggled for a long time and well there have always been the ones who beat it or find another way and even thrived when things were much harder so we can too. What do you think?

Relish this.

I love Isuu! It is my connection to all sorts of gorgeous free publications like this one. Relish is a small magazine with only two copies. The second publication is about Montreal and it is so brilliant and beautiful. I was so proud to see my city looking so good. Check it out it's free!

Purple Palace

Every summer the Mccord Museum closes a small street named Victoria between Sherbrooke St. O and President Kennedy Ave. and has benches and picnic tables, and art exhibit and events. 

This is my favorite place to meet my husband for lunch when we're at work so we are always thrilled when it's time for the street to close and look forward to the events and art we will find. 

Yesterday we brought our own lunch and it was a nice day so the street was really vibrant. There was free Tim Horton's coffee and there was a classical pianist playing piano outside.  

There was a food truck named Lucky's Truck who serves poutine with Duck and red wine sauce which is apparently delicious and if the crowd around it was any indication it must be good. 

To be honest this year the decor or art project leaves something to be desired though. In our experience over time things are added to the exhibit so I am hoping there is more to come.

I don't know if anything can replicate last year's Urban Forest which we dubbed the purple palace. I was so in love with that exhibit it was my definite favorite in the last three years we've been going. 

When I got back from lunch I just had to search through my cell phone hoping I took pictures last year so I could show you what I mean.

AND I DID! 

I don't often share my pictures because I find them so disappointing. I am not gifted in taking photos and I am hoping I will learn but in the meantime many times I have to ask my friends and daughter to take the pictures for me. It is just a mystery to me.

In this case I took them. Sorry in advance for the quality but I still think you'll get a good idea of what a relaxing place this was last summer. The street was carpeted in purple astro turf and there were these metallic trees lavender ribbons always flowing in the wind. Everything was pink and purple and white. It was just absolutely delightful.

On my quest to the best VEGGIE Burger EVER.

Sometimes I am just way too ambitious for my own good. 

Last weekend I decided that I would buy all the ingredients to make veggie burgers for every night of the week this week and make them all on Sunday.

Does that sound like too much? 

If not you're absolutely right it doesn't sound too bad. 

Every week I do a version of this Sunday blitz preparing and cutting veggies and fruit for the week as well as a few meals and possibly something baked without writing about it. The problem is I have a tendency to just to put too much on my "TO DO" list.

My husband always warns me "Now don't do too much!" and I say: "No no" with this faraway look and I always do.

I can safely say this time even if I did too much it was so worth it! Everything was delicious! I had complete dinners for every night of the week and even had enough to share with friends. 

This is one of the 5 veggie burgers I made. This one is from Oh she Glows that I shared with my friend Jen. It was served with sauteed mushrooms and onions and pickled mustard seeds another new recipe that I tried this week that I am thrilled with and some turnip fries that my cute husband had cut up over the weekend to help me out.

Photo credited to Jen from The Lady's Lounge

So last Sunday when I got up at 6 am veggie burgers were not the only thing on my mind. The first thing I made the pizza dough for the Sticky Buns and Cinnamon Rolls.

It was pretty good timing though since my really handsome husband got home from the night shift around seven am and I followed him around, drinking my coffee listening to his stories about work while I waited for my dough to rise.

Once my husband went to bed I got busy and when my teen son got up I greeted him with Hot Sticky Buns and coffee and sat with him with a yummy piece of leftover dough I had stuffed with chocolate chips and also shared that with him.  

Photo credited to Everyday Food Blog

When he went to his room satiated I got busy with my Tofu dishes. For lunch it was Sesame Crusted Tofu with Nuoc Cham from Alexandra's Kitchen absolutely delicious and we later used the tofu and Nuoc Cham in sandwiches during the week for our lunches.

 

Photo credited to Alexandra via her blog Alexandra's Kitchen

 For dinner my main inspiration for writing about my cooking over the weekend was this recipe I discovered that I absolutely must mention because it is life changing. 

Are you curious to know what it is? It is one of the most amazing dishes I've ever eaten: Bulgogi Style Tofu. It is now hands down my favorite meal!

  

Picture and recipe credited to Manifest Vegan

 

Now I'm not a stranger to tofu. I like it but it is not something that I consider tasty on it's own. I usually use it ground up in egg rolls or dim sum with cabbage, onions and carrots and lots of tamari, ginger and garlic for flavor or to roll in sushi to eat with some nice pickled ginger and wasabi.

I am telling you if that is what you think when you think of tofu well you absolutely need to try this recipe. 

 Tell me what you think if you do and I'll let you know the results of our veggie burger taste testing.

 Last but not least I want to tell you about one more thing. Blurb  the number one place to create books is now offering 15% off cookbooks. 


I will be creating one with all my favorite recipes how about you? If yes no need to go anywhere you can just click here and it will take you through the process step by step.

Monday's Daily OM inspired musings

 

Copyright the*Glint via flickr

Learning to let go of our need to acquire things brings us closer to the beauty of our soul. Nowadays it can be difficult for us to turn against everything our world is built upon and truly see what is valuable in our lives. Opening our eyes to this, however, brings us to a deeper realization that nothing material can satisfy our needs or stay with us and only the love and generosity of soul remains constant. By finding abundance within, you will see that that is all you truly need today. 

I am suffering from Teenitis

Not only am I on a weight loss plateau that is giving me WRITER'S BLOCK

I am suffering from Teenitis: a response of body tissues to injury or irritation by a teen; characterized by pain and swelling and redness and heat in you heart as if you forgot to give your child his lunch when he went on a field trip and you couldn't bring him one or contact him!

Symptoms: Loss of  wisdom, weight gain, loss of motivation and
feeling of failure.

credit for photo to Box Life Tumbl'r

Again I have to mention the synchronicity of the Daily OM; this one was received on the day of my 42nd birthday!

May 2, 2013
Appreciating What Is
Enjoying Your Age
by Madisyn Taylor


Try to enjoy the age you are at now, for each age presents its own unique wisdom to savor.

In each stage of life, there are wonderful experiences one can savor and valuable insights one can absorb. Every new decade and, in fact, every new year brings with it wisdom, transformation, and growth, as well as ends and beginnings. Many people, however, believe that there is one age that eclipses the others. They expend energy trying to reach it and, once it has passed, trying to retain it. But wishing to be younger or older is a denial of the joys that have been and the joys yet to be, as well as the beauty of your life in the present. Holding on to one age can make it difficult to appreciate each new milestone you reach. Taking pleasure in the delights of your age, whether you are in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or 80s, can help you see the magnificence and usefulness of the complex seasons of your life.

Each new year gifted to us by the universe is replete with exciting and unfamiliar experiences. In our 20s, we can embrace the energy of youth and the learning process, knowing its okay to not have all the answers. As we move through our third decade, we grow more self-assured as the confusion of our young adulthood melts away. We can honor these years by putting aside our fears of aging and concentrating instead on solidifying our values and enjoying our growing emotional maturity. In our 40s, we become conscious of the wisdom we have attained through life experience and are blessed with the ability to put it to good use. We are not afraid to explore unfamiliar territory or to change. In our 50s, we tend to have successfully navigated our midlife reevaluations and have prioritized our lives. In the decades beyond, we discover a greater sense of freedom than we have ever known and can truly enjoy the memory of all weve seen and done.

Try to enjoy the age you are at now, for each age presents its own unique wisdom to savor.

May is a month full of celebration

I have a birthday and it's mother's day! If you're wondering what to get me I really love this apron that WILL NOT give me a neck rash!

Jessie Steele Apron Strapless Bows & Roses

 

To help you prepare for all of your upcoming parties or if you want to give a gift to the hostess (like myself)  Layla Grayce is offering 15% off Hostess & Entertainment with promo code SPRING15 valid through 5/16!  Don't miss your chance to shop this amazing sale! Here are a few more gift ideas for your hostess, mom or me.

 

Rosanna Décor Bon Bon Hue Pink Tall Pedestal

Here it is again I am obsessed with this gorgeous Antique Rose Blue Tea Pot

Finally I have been coveting this for a while and even plan to make a quilt based on this tablecloth.

Big Pink Flowers Table Cloth

Sometimes when I have alot to say I get writer's block too.

Right now I'm stuck. I'm working on a series of posts called: "My life is a Jewel Album; Reflections on the parallels to my life on the album Spirit by Jewel Kilcher." I refuse to start publishing a series of posts without completing them all  just in case they turn out to be just stupid and I change my mind. I realized that some most people may not see the parallels I make by the amount of questions they ask me with a confused look on their face but those links make perfect sense to me and a few kindred spirits.

To illustrate this at the moment I believe that my plateau in weight loss = writer's block.

 To clarify you did not wander on to the wrong blog. This is definitely not a weight loss blog not that I don't like them. If you're interested in them I actually strongly recommend "A Neurotic Glamour Girl's Weight Watcher's Experience and Fitness Adventures." she is so inspiring (I love you Sheryl). I love to be fit and move but I abhor anything that isn't pretty so most dorky fitness clothes and running shoes DO NOT make the cut. When I saw this retro style glamour girl writing posts about her fitness journey and taking self portraits of herself riding her pink bike all over New York city in full make up and heels I was an instant fan! 

But I digress what I meant to say was that everybody who reads my blog...Does anyone read my blog? (cloud bubble inserted here) must know my passion is design, arts, crafts and the underdog okay okay I know I'm rambling bear with me.

Now back to the point I was trying to make. Since I joined Weight Watchers last fall I have had a more or less steady weight loss. I never felt discouraged not really I mean you have those weeks you go up a bit just to get the big numbers later and everything worked for me without too much difficulty. It was very empowering to realize I wasn't actually a PIG (I'm sorry to anyone that may offend but I have this problem where I am really hard on myself) I just made some bad choices and with a few adjustments I lost weight fairly easily.  

You just know there is a but coming... BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I have been hovering within 2lbs of a 20lbs loss which has become unattainable to me at the moment.  I started to question myself; "Am I eating enough fruits and vegetables?" and ate fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch. "Am I really tracking everything I eat??" I paid close attention and was relieved to know that yes I was. I spoke to my leader who advised me to get more active which turned out well because it spring in Montreal and I have a membership for BIXI and can hardly pass by a bike without taking one. So...I did and I still maintained this hovering position. 

When I got weighed the next week I spoke to my leader again who is so lovely and not judging me and trusting me and really there for me and not to mention beautiful, awesome, helpful, inspiring,  so cute, stylish and interesting advised that I drink my water which means at least 6 cups a day and I did even though it has me running to the bathroom peeing about five times more often to the washroom which is a feat in itself because I work in customer service on the phone where everything is timed even bathroom breaks but I still gained 0.4 lbs. 

Unfortunately for me all those paralyzing messages I used to hear have come flooding back: "You're fat, you're a loser, what is wrong with you..." the list goes on but you get the picture. These messages are draining me, getting me down, affecting my mood, my relationships, how I feel about myself, my health, my body well essentially affecting everything. I don't want to play guitar, prepare food, and finally I am getting to the point: WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Taking my cue from Lena Dunham (my hero) to be brave and a my younger self who once had a writing project that made me so nervous that I decided to write about just that and had the teacher read it in class saying how brilliant it was. I decided to write about what was stopping me from writing and suddenly out came this post and hopefully several more will flood out of me now. 

The time for beating myself up is OVER. This is a time for ACTION. Until now this steady weight loss has opened up a whole new side of me. One that is in control of my life, my choices, my finances, one who feels like anything is possible. It's the reason I picked up the guitar, am going to Ireland this summer, started making time for my friends again and planning many more exciting things because there has been a switch in my brain. A new record is playing and it says you are worthy, you are creative, you are talented, you are fun, people love you and love to be around you.  

 SO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP! YOU BULLY!

 Phew! *Deep Breathes* Moral of the story here is...

Even when you have writer's block you have a lot to say.

(Just a little tidbit. I wrote this the day before yesterday in the commuter train on the way home from my regular full time job. Being stuck in a train that isn't moving with no gadgets or book can inspire you (hmmm that should be another series) but yesterday I read my Daily Om (which is addictive) and it was about creative blocks. I have to say find these daily OM's uncannily ominous with their synchronicity. There must be magic in the world. If you subscribe to the Daily Om will you let me know if you find them oddly synchronized with your life PLEASE? Or am I just making crazy parallels again)